A Status Update

It has been so long since I last blogged anything that I feel funny in this space again. Like a lot of people, I gradually began to spend most of my online time on Facebook, because I can keep in touch with friends more easily there. Blogging is definitely a different animal, as not only do I have nearly unlimited word allowance for my "status updates," as it were, but also this is a space where I feel the need to practice the craft of writing, which I have admittedly neglected for quite some time now.

As for my status update: after reading my last few posts, I realized that I left my audience hanging on several things. Let me go in reverse chronological order. First, if you want to know what's been going on with my friend who has the abusive adviser, read the comments on the last post.

Second, the essay that I needed to revise for publication will soon be in the process of typesetting and, later, copyediting. It seems that the journal is definitely going to publish the special issue, but no word yet on issue number and date. Right now, the aggregate manuscript is going through another round of revisions before typesetting because the whole thing is about eighty pages too long; some of the contributors did not heed the journal editors' request for a specific number of pages and have been asked to edit down their papers once again. Thankfully, I don't have to go through another revision, which would have severely cut into my dissertation-writing schedule. (I already have too many things going on this month family-wise, so producing another revision for this essay would have been nearly disastrous.)

Third, I did indeed present in Hawai'i last April for the Association for Asian American Studies, and I had a wonderful time. I took my child and partner, and we had a few days in Maui with other family before going to Honolulu for the conference. The baby was a big hit with friends who had never met him and also with strangers (some of whom are now friends). It was quite funny because there was a point when I realized that "networking" had become easy: with the baby, I was welcome everywhere, and many people would simply come up to us. Moreover, people were very solicitous when I took him to the conference areas, and it gave me a good feeling about the conference in general, that the people who attended it welcomed and openly acknowledged the role of families in many academics' lives.

Fourth was a complete and utter surprise: I actually won that best graduate student paper award at the Rocky Mountain MLA conference that I mentioned here. I was one of three winners this year. I was floored when I got the packet in the mail, especially since it arrived on April Fool's Day! I exclaimed and laughed so loudly that the baby freaked out a little. It really was a very lovely surprise.

Despite all this good news, I know that I am not as productive as most of my peers, as I witness colleagues finishing their dissertations or receiving well-earned jobs and postdocs. I am reminded of the holding pattern that I am in and the precariousness of my situation with regard to my chosen career. The case of one young colleague doing research in another country in the first year of graduate school provokes thoughts of "if only I had done things differently back then..." and "what if life hadn't blindsided me," etc. But at the same time, I am really enjoying my time as a full-time babysitter to my son, who is 16 months old today and who has recently started walking, dancing while standing (it is hilarious), and babbling like he is having full conversations with us. Every newly-cut tooth is a cause for celebration. Every morning I wake up with kisses and hugs from an adorable toddler. I honestly would not trade this time in his life for a tenure-track job that would force me to put him in daycare.

I have finally found a few other young mothers here who face similar choices regarding career and childcare, and it has been a relief to know that I am literally not alone in this and that I can ask others nearby for advice and help. A couple of these women have recently offered to babysit for a few hours a week to help me with my writing, which was so humbling. I don't know if I can bring myself to take advantage, but I was just so grateful for what their offer symbolized, which was their support of what I am trying to do with my life. I am feeling quite optimistic at the moment. I hope this feeling will carry me through to finish the chapter draft that is due in a month and a half.